Since I saw The Hours when I was 11 years old I have been in awe with Meryl Streep. That year, I wrote Meryl an e-mail telling her how much I admired her and how much she had inspired me. I don't know how long it took, but I later got a responding e-mail from her assistant, Myla. Myla said that she had tried responding to my e-mail to Meryl before, but that for some reason it didn't go through. She also said this, "Meryl has asked me to let you know that she appreciates all the kind words you wrote and wishes you all the best." This responding e-mail thrilled me! I couldn't believe that Meryl Streep had wished ME all the best. I was so inspired by those few words just because of who they came from.
It amazes me how much influence one human can have on another.
Lately I have been feeling stuck, like all the things I want are so far away, but at the same time I know I can still have them. It's complicated, and I feel like no one can relate. The feeling I have is that all I should be doing right now is acting. I'm dying to get my ass in a movie. I know what I want, and I'm tired of dreaming it, I want to live it. I figure all I need is to get more motivation.
So, on the 20th I sent another e-mail to Myla hoping she would give it to Meryl. I just keep thinking about how much I wish she would just respond. I have had the thought that if maybe if I were to check my e-mail, and see another message from Meryl in my inbox it would motivate me again, and it upsets me to think that I could never get a response...
I went to go see Mamma Mia! for the second time today with a friend, and realized that I don't need an e-mail from Meryl, or Myla, to motivate me. Just watching actors act is motivation enough, or at least it should be. However, that has never been motivation enough for me. My biggest motivation is knowing I've accomplished something, along with doing something that I love and that is challenging.
I need let go of my infatuation with Meryl because she can't save me. No one can, except me. I'm holding on too hard to the idea that she will give me the motivation I need, and that's what I've looked to her for I think. She was an ideal, she was a goal I wanted to reach. Of course, I still have my same goals! All I'm doing is detatching from everything I've become dependent on.
Although despite my knowing this, I still would love to have someone that has succeeded give me some advice on how to get out of my rut. Still, whenever my BlackBerry shows that I have a new e-mail in my inbox I get very hopeful, and that bothers me.
Since when is the hardest part of life letting go?
